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Saturday, October 7th, 2006
2:55 am - Your Lips

I want a girl with lips like morphine,
Knock me out every time they touch me.
I wanna feel a kiss just crush me,
And break me down.

Knock me out (knock me out),
Knock me out (knock me out).
Cause I’ve waited for all my life,
To be here with you tonight.

I want a girl with lips like morphine,
Blow a kiss that leaves me gasping.
And I wanna feel that lightning strike me,
And burn me down.

Knock me out (knock me out),
Knock me out (knock me out).
Cause I’ve waited for all my life,
To be here with you tonight.
Just put me on my back,
Knock me out again.

I want a girl with lips like morphine,
Knock me out every time they touch me.
I want a girl with lips like morphine,
To knock me out.

See I’ve waited for all my life,
To be here with you tonight.
Just put me on my back,
Knock me out again.

Fuck, you've done it again.

current mood: indescribable

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Monday, January 2nd, 2006
5:31 pm
Happy belated New Year to whoever still reads my journal.

I actually didn't drink. I know, amazing, right? It was a nice night, though. Dick still looks great, even though he's had a stroke. I took a walk after the ball dropped. It was relaxing, even if it was in this shit hole city.

So bored... and I need to shave. Meh I'll do it tomorrow.

My flight gets in at 4:30 PM tomorrow. Eric is giving me a ride to the apartment, where I'll collect all my stuff. Can't wait to see you, Amanda. Thanks so much again, I really appreciate this. Oh and tell David thanks too.

current mood: excited

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Friday, December 30th, 2005
12:58 pm
Christmas was great, though I don't really normally celebrate it. I got an awesome new Tool pullover from Lisa, some red hair dye from Aymen (he thinks I should start dying it again), and some nice baggy jeans from Heather, who I will refrain from calling a bitch just this once since she was nice enough to get me something.

I hope everyone else had a good holiday. I'll be back on the third.

current mood: happy

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Saturday, December 24th, 2005
9:34 am - Shiver
Yeah I know you all are probably pretty worried, but there's no need to be. I brought my happy ass up to Chicago to visit. Aymen has gotten a lot taller, of course, and Lisa is as beautiful as ever. Oh and that blonde bitch, whats-her-face.. yeah she's totally pregnant. She's fast, Robby and I predicted it would be senior year.

I'm freezing my ass off, which is to be expected when it's 37 degrees and cloudy. It's also threatening to rain. Rain and cold sucks, so I plan on staying inside most of the day. Most.

Now on to more serious matters... I'll be back before New Years, but I will NOT be moving back in with Lee and Reese. So I need a place to stay for a little while, until I can get my own place. I go to school and I have a job, so I'd only be sleeping and eating at your place; I'd hardly be there, and I'm willing to pay. So please.. someone be kind enough to take Lucky in for a month or two?

I'm off for a long walk. I'll update again soon, hopefully. If not, I wish everyone a happy holiday.

Oh and my cell phone doesn't work anymore. I washed it one too many times.

current mood: cold

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Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
8:52 pm - I'm Not Dead Yet Bitches!
Oh yeah this motherfucker is still kickin and actually updating for once!

...OK yeah, so theres really nothing to update about.

We are getting an apartment soon though, woooo! Eric is cool and all, but living with him for almost a year isn't really a cup of tea. I thank him, though, I'm not an ungrateful fuck. He's a true friend. Living with Lee and Reese should be interesting, though. Anyways, we move in sometime next month.

Speaking of Lee, he's been all pissy and all which is getting on my nerves. He's usually the mellow guy that just sits and reads all day or watches TV, but now he's really on edge and snaps easily. So yeah... Please make up for my sake. *gets on hands and knees*

current mood: anxious

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Sunday, April 24th, 2005
7:36 pm - Undone
I've avoided your eyes. I haven't seen your smile in months. Not a single word has been said in what seems like forever. It's sickening to think how much of a stranger you've become.

I miss being with you, I miss your warming friendship. But most of all, I miss you.

What I did was unforgivable, I've regretted it a million times and more. It would mean everything to me if you accepted my apology, but I understand if you don't.

I love you.. Just never forget that.

current mood: sorry

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Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
8:06 pm
I haven't really updated this thing in a while. There are many things to update about, but I guess I'm just too lazy, or it may be the fact that I feel like a total dickwad.

I don't know why I pulled a gun on Amanda. It just made me sick to see her with another guy, then to totally refuse me when I offer my heart to her. I didn't want her to be with anyone else, even if it meant taking her life. It's sick, I know, but that's what I was driven to do.

I don't understand why I'm so obsessed and why I can't get her out of my mind. I've only know her for a year.. It's all so fucked up. I want it all to go away. I'm tired of it clawing at me all the time. What has she done to me? What sick spell has she cast?

But anyways.. I'm still going to school and all. I plan on graduating this year, because school fucking blows. I'm living at Eric's at the current time.. he said I need to get out in a few months, though. I plan to, I just need to collect the money.

I dyed my hair jet black.. I'm tired of redying the red spikes. As for the spikes.. I'm too lazy to keep putting them up. My hair just hangs in my face or I pull it up.. I mostly keep it down.

I've been cutting myself a lot lately, probably too much. I don't cut to kill, I cut to bleed. I watch the blood drain away, in hopes that all emotions will go along with it.

God I need to get myself together.

current mood: depressed

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Monday, January 10th, 2005
8:49 pm - Pop
It's been a while since I updated this thing. I figured I might as well, since I really need a good place to write.

The past couple of weeks went by so fast.. so much happened. I recall the events, but I'm in the dark. I don't want to believe anything happened. The sick truth is that they did.. I fucking hate the truth. I want it all the be a black lie. A lie would be so much better than the truth. Denial would be the best thing right now, but it's so hard to deny the truth.

Jynx had been my best friend since Freshman year. We met on the rooftop of the band building. We went through a lot of fucked up shit together, but we had so many good times. I wouldn't trade any of it for anything.. He always treated me like I was someone.. like I actually could make it in the world.. I was never just "That fucking stoner." to him. He made me who I am today.. without him I'd be nothing, I'd be dead. And for all that.. I thank him. He gave me the best gift of all in life... He gave me the gift of coming to know my true self.

I don't think I've ever cried as much as I have been. I cry to the point where it aches to close my eyes. I cry out of sorrow, anger, mourning.. and most of all, guilt.

I'm guilty because I think if I hadn't been such a fuck and started showing my true feelings for Amanda, he'd still be here. It was all my fault.. Amanda always resisted until that day, but I believe I pretty much forced myself upon her in a way.

I don't feel sorry for myself or anyone else who has lost a true friend.. I feel sorry for Amanda. She lost someone that meant to world to her over something so idiotic.. over my fucking emotions, over some senseless murder... Nothing was fucking fair. She deserves so much more than that.. She's the most beautiful, talented young woman I have ever met.. She loved him more than anyone else, even if she did know him for a less amount of time. She knew him the most. He was always so happy when she was with him.. and it was likewise.

I remember sitting on the rooftop with him at the end of Sophomore year. Jynx had just broken up with Brig (cunt). We smoked a cigg and talked for a few. I asked him if he had anyone else in mind. He held his cigarette between his fingers and stared out into the distance for a long time. He exhaled and said in almost a whisper, with the most serious look on his face.. "I know she's out there... somewhere."

I know I will probably never have a chance with her.. She's in love with someone else. I can't blame her. He was a great guy.. She deserved him, he deserved her. They both knew each other so well. Two souls joined together.. that relationship was built to last. There has never been a more perfect couple.

This entry may not make much sense.. I'm sitting here, crying for Amanda, feeling guilty... But I can't help but look at her and fall in love. If I could see Robby right now.. I'd tell him I'm sorry for the way I feel. I'd tell him I'm sorry for stabbing him in the back... I just couldn't help but look into her dark eyes and fall in love.

As Robby put it, there's just something about her.. something hidden deep. A bewitchment that you cannot escape, no matter how strong you are. When she touches you it sends a shock of pleasure up your spine, and if you're lucky enough to look into her eyes... the true spell is cast. You feel sick without her... She becomes your heart's obsession.

She truly is an addictive drug. And I'm a fucking prick.. I ruined the best thing for her. I lost what made her truly happy, what she deserved. I lost my best friend.. the only person who ever understood me.

And I'm sorry for being such a fuck.. I just hope one day they can both forgive me. If they don't, I understand...

(I was going to post this under private, but decided to just post public. I have no reason to hide any fucking thing anymore.)

current mood: feel like absolute shit

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Thursday, December 30th, 2004
6:15 am - I'm Updating My Journal, Yay!
I'm updating my journal, yay!


Squeeeeeeeee! ^^

current mood: PENIS!

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Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
7:39 pm - *insert subject here*
Yeah I'm extremely cold.. I don't have enough body fat for this shit. Yet Lee and Robby act like it's no big deal.. Bastards!

I'm enjoying myself, here in Chicago.. I actually got to see snow and touch it. Yeah I know.. frozen ice.. woo, big deal! It was a big deal to me, especially when I made a snowball and smacked Robby in the back of the head with it.

Yeah.. I got a major snowball beating after that one.

I wish you Floridian bitches would have came with us.. I'm sure you'd be enjoying yourselves.

current mood: cold, but enjoying myself

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Thursday, December 16th, 2004
1:07 am - Quizzes I stole from Amanda.
Eh?Collapse )

current mood: mellow

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12:54 am
Fuck yeah!
Lucky's going to Chicago. :P

Dude, I'm going to be freezing my skinny, white ass off.

current mood: awake

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Friday, December 10th, 2004
2:08 pm
Largo High sucks... I need to get the fuck out of there.

I have a bloody nose and a black eye, Amanda is yelling at me for getting into a fight at school. Robby and Lee are laughing at me because I got my ass kicked by a group of black fuckers....

Yeah, today sucked... A LOT.

current mood: sore

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Friday, December 3rd, 2004
6:11 am - Yay?
Woot, I created a livejournal... finally.

current mood: hyper

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